


Keeping Up With The Kenways

by Potato (nerdclubcosplay)



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Assassin's Creed - Freeform, Assassin's Creed III, Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, Assassin's Creed Spoilers, Assassin's Creed: Rogue, Assassin's Weed, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, DO NOT READ THIS, Edward is a cool grandpa, Gen, Haytham Kenway Being An Asshole, Jennifer is a lil punk, Keeping Up with the Kardashians - Freeform, SHEESH GUYS WHAT ARE YOU TAGGING RATONHNHAKE:TON IN FOR THESE TO BE THE TAGS THAT POP UP, Thanks I hate it -My Friends Whomst I Forced To Read This, This is not serious or beta'd, This is quite possibly my worst work. I'm going to make a series., absolute crack, the kenways are dysfunctional, things like "alpha haytham" and "submissive haytham", why are the first tags that pop up under haytham
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 09:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdclubcosplay/pseuds/Potato
Summary: Edward, Jennifer, Haytham, and Ratonhnhaké:ton walk into a bar. Well, really, it's more of an undescribed room that the author has thrown them in with complete disregard for the reader who would like to know how it is possible that all four of them are in the same place. Crack ensues.(Do not read this if you want to keep all your brain cells)





	Keeping Up With The Kenways

“Haytham, not to be overdramatic, but your parenting style sucks and I would rather leave my grandson with a bear who hasn’t eaten in two days,” Edward said, clutching Ratonhnhaké:ton tightly against his side. 

Ratonhnhaké:ton was taller than Edward, and therefore had to hunch over to fit in his grandfather’s grip. The feeling of human contact was quickly causing bile to rise in his throat. He swallowed hard and reminded himself that he was amongst family. Well, as much of a family as you could call the Kenways, anyway.

“And where is his mother? Don’t tell me you’re so incompetent that you couldn’t keep her! I didn’t raise you like this!”

Haytham snorted in amusement. “Like your first marriage went swimmingly.”

Jennifer perked up at the mention of her mother, and she looked like she was about to give Edward an earful of how horrible of a father and husband he was before Haytham gave her a death stare. She considered going off anyway, but with the way Haytham was caressing his blade with a thin smirk on his lips, she decided it was better if she didn’t.

Ratonhnhaké:ton finally spoke up. “My mother is dead. Killed.”

Haytham rolled his eyes so hard that his head went with them too and his dark tricorn hat fell off. “Are we starting this again, Connor? For the last time, Charles was not behind that.”

Edward grabbed Haytham by the ear and frowned deeply, his expression not wavering even a little as Haytham yelped. Ratonhnhaké:ton grimaced and took a few steps back from the feuding father and son. He did, however, continue watching to see if there was an opportunity for him to jump in and help his grandfather.

Jennifer was the one to break up the fight, though, with a shrill shout about how annoying the both of them were. She chewed her half-brother out relentlessly about his mistreatment of his lady and how horrible he was for following in his father’s footsteps. Edward, she devoted much more time to, though.

“And you’re incapable of considering the feelings of others!”

Edward shrugged and bobbed his head acceptingly.

“And you’re so full of yourself!” 

Edward smirked and nodded.

“And your friends are dead and you’re just a sad old man!”

Jennifer spontaneously combusted with the ferocity of Edward’s glare. Ratonhnhaké:ton slipped away to his room to avoid the aftermath, and Haytham just stared at the author, unable to comprehend the stupidity he was just subjected to for the sake of a laugh.


End file.
